Addicted To The Way Things Used To Be

I've never been to an AA meeting, but I know many friends and family who have.  In fact, maybe some of you reading this blog attend AA meetings.  Addictions, no matter what they are, all have something in common. Whether it's addiction to drugs, alcohol, food, exercise, or anything else, you can't just wish it away.  It doesn't just disappear. It takes work.  It takes painful, tough choices. It takes dedication. It takes willpower to overcome.  It takes time.

I'm writing this blog post, having just received Paige's final blood test results depicting her blood sugar, cholesterol, triglycerides, etc.    You can read about Paige's labwork results on her blog.    I am not surprised by the results one bit.  The reason why I'm not surprised? Well, over the past 3 months, Paige has been so terribly resistant to changing her old habits, that she almost defiantly ignored all that she had learned on our journey.   She fell back into her old addictions that got her there in the first place.

Using the holidays and travel as an excuse, Paige skipped many of her workouts, and more importantly for a diabetic, ate whatever the hell she wanted to (even though she is now consciously making better decisions about her food choices, which is a step in the right direction).  The body is science. The body responds to what we do to it.  If we treat it right, feed it right, it responds accordingly with good health (as seen in the 3 month labwork).  If we treat it badly, feed it badly, it quickly responds with poor health.  

Paige was on a high after the 3 month assessment.  Her 3 month labwork was showed some hugely positive transformations back toward normal, and her fitness levels were increasing. (And, let's not forget back to the first three months where Paige also didn't do her exercise, fell off track a whole lot, etc.  Go back and review some of those older posts, like this one, about the struggles she went through at the beginning).  But, she at least was making more of the food choices she needed to.   

I will reference this quote from the my dear friend and diabetes expert, Lauren Korshak's blog post about Paige's journey: "I think it's important to remember that she's technically a lifestyle controlled diabetic, and that the diet and the exercise are the forms of "medication" that she's using to control her condition. If she starts to slack off, it's the same as not taking medications as directed, resulting in blood glucose levels starting to climb and increasing the chances that she'll need to start oral medications - most likely metformin, sometimes combined with a second oral or insulin depending on blood glucose trends."

Did Paige not read this post?  It's been written out right here for Paige to read for the past 3+ months. 

Maybe Paige thought she was out of the woods and in the clear after 3 months, and could go back to how things used to be.  Well, if you're an alcoholic, and you make it three months sober, and think you can go back to the old behaviors because you're "healed" well, think again.  It's not how it works.  It takes time.

There is a lifetime of work that Paige needs to continue, in order to overcome her addiction to food, to unhealthy behavior, to lack of movement.   

We all have relapses in our healthy eating habits and our exercise.  I know I do all the time!  The key is now, for Paige, to understand what she needs to do, in order to get things back under control.  She can get back under control. She's done it before, and I have complete confidence that IF SHE WANTS TO, she can get those bloodwork results back to where they need to be very quickly.    No matter how much I want to see her succeed, she's got to make the decisions herself.  It's not just one decision, it's hundreds of decisions every day that will make up her success. It's choosing to not put sugar or cream in the coffee.  It's choosing to have tea instead.  It's choosing to walk the dogs before work instead of just opening the door for them to go outside. It's choosing to pack a healthy lunch ahead of time to bring to work. It's choosing to sign up for a 5k.  It's choosing to train for a 5k.  It's choosing to do a Trainer In Your back Pocket workout after work.  It's choosing to have one glass of wine instead of one bottle.  You get the point.  The sum of all these decisions is what really makes the difference.   Each choice she makes can either bring her closer to a healthier life, or closer to the way things used to be.  

Paige needs to understand her addiction, and she needs to realize how serious they are, and how her decisions are sabotaging her success.  Don't give an alcoholic alcohol.  Don't give a diabetic a cake (or cookie, or baked good, or cheesy casserole, etc.)    No one else can make the decisions Paige now needs to make for herself.  

I hope her bloodwork sets off this lightbulb that she's not in the clear.  That there will be a lifetime of work that needs to be done.    Paige needs to take her health seriously, and begin making the decisions that will make her healthy, not sick.  I want Paige to live for a long time.  I want her to want that for herself with every decision she makes, every day.

On a lighter note, coming soon will be her fitness assessment results which show huge improvements!

The Final Workout

Paige and I met for our final workout of the 6 month journey last week.  There was no way I was going to go easy on her.  It was an endurance challenge, full of many of the different exercises we worked on for 6 months.  I knew Paige hadn't done much (if any) exercise over the past few weeks (which kills me inside).  But I knew she could push herself to complete the challenging workout I had created.  I'll list it below, so that she will never forge it either!  (And I'll probably make it into a future Trainer In Your Back Pocket workout too ;)

The workout was titled: "20-13." (since it was our last workout of 2013, even though we did it in 2014 due to our both being out of town over New Years Week).  Here's the workout:

20 Medicine Ball Squat & Presses
13 Rolldowns

Paige showing off her guns!

20 Bosu Pushups
13 Side Plank Hip Dips

20 Walking Lunges
13 Single Leg Glute Bridges

20 Bosu Side Squats
13 Straight Arm Pullbacks with Tubing

20 Bosu Moguls
13 Pullovers

20 Bosu Side Obliques
13 Chest Flys

20 Step Ups
13 Curl & Press

20 Upright Rows
13 Overhead Press

20 Squat Jumps
13 Pushup Negatives

A Leg-Trembling Workout

On Friday morning, Paige and I had a workout set up at 8am.  We were to meet at the Lock and Dam (remember that park that was closed last time we tried to use it, due to the government shut down?).  Well, the park is only a few miles away from Paige's house, literally, just down the road.  It's actually my favorite park to get in a good workout.  There are stairs, a running track, benches to use, basketball courts, and a lovely view of the Columbus Dam.  I always say, if you close your eyes, you can pretend you're on Cape Cod, with the sound of the water and the seagulls ;)

So, I wanted to introduce Paige to this park, as we near the end of our journey. I want her to have options for things she can continue doing on her own, just down the road.

At 8am, I arrive and set up the mat and medicine ball we'd be using during our workout.  Then at 8:01, Paige still hasn't arrived. It's a long road to drive down to get to the park, so I figured she was on her way.  So, I waited a minute. 8:02 came around, and I decided I didn't want to sit and wait, so I started running up and down the stairs that lead down to the river.  (about 40 stairs down).  At 8:03, I get a message saying: "Running a few minutes late, but I'm on my way."  So, I figured she'd be there by 8:06.  At 8:07, after completing several laps on the stairs, and breaking a sweat, I began getting perturbed.  But, nevertheless, at least I knew she was on her way, and lived less than 5 minutes away.  So, several more trips up and down the stairs.  As I come up the stairs at 8:13am, I see Paige at the top.  I'm in a full sweat now, having been running up and down the stairs for 10 minutes straight.  So, without further ado, we begin our workout.

We start with a 1 lap jog around the paved track at the park.  It's 1/2 mile long. I told Paige that it was 1/3 of a mile, but I was wrong. It was .5.   I wanted to understand why Paige was late, and how she's going to maintain this fitness and healthy plan over the holidays. She was late because her alarm never went off.  And then she had no clue how she'd maintain her exercise during the holidays.  Basically, in her unspoken words, she wasn't planning to exercise.  That's NOT music to my ears.  So, I had her promise to me, that if she didn't workout in the morning next week, she'd do it before coming home from work.  Let's see how this challenge goes. (There are only 2 or 3 work days next week because of Christmas! So, not a hugely overwhelming challenge in my opinion).

We then jogged over to another set of stairs (about 20 stairs in this set), and I told Paige she'd be going down and up 13 times.  13, because that's how many minutes she was late.  This took us about 10 minutes, and by lap 8, Paige's legs were trembling. Plus, I made her step up 2 steps at a time. She knew she wasn't getting out of this one!  With a bit of light headedness along the way, we slowed down and finished and took a water break.

Now, it was time to start the circuit.  We began with 10 Bench Pushups. Then we did Medicine Ball Rolldowns, V-Sit Twists, Bench Dips, and then Bench Step Ups.  Upon finishing those, we went down and up the longer set of stairs (the ones that I had been running before Paige arrived).  That was our circuit.  We got back up, and repeated it from the beginning with the pushups.  We got through the circuit just two times, due to the late start, and the additional trips up and down the steps.

And, of course, I forgot my fortune cookies, so I told Paige I'd pick one for her, and here it is:

Fitness is not a fluke. It's the result of hard work.  You get better the more you practice. But when you don't practice, you can't expect to get better.  I hope Paige realized that she needs to push herself harder on her own, and hopefully, enjoying the fresh air, was a great option for her to continue with, once she's got to be self-reliant.  (I hope I hope!)

16 Days Left

With 16 days left in our 6 month journey, I feel like I've lost control.  I am scared that Paige is avoiding me like the plague, and has zero interest in continuing on this health journey with me.  (Though I hope she continues this journey on her own for the rest of her life, and I am always here to help her when she wants help and is ready to ask for it!)  Maybe it's because of my video blog, where I laid out my truth.  I've never heard her side of the story, though.  We've worked out since. But there almost a dead-ness in her desire and motivation.  Paige's energy was dismal, at best, and I could tell she would have rather been anywhere, but there, with me, working out.  Even in our small group personal training class, I could tell she would have rather been anywhere else but there.

I've had to let go of taking it personally, but I do.  Is there something more I could have done? Could I have made it more fun?  In fact, others in the class (who are also following this journey), have come up to me and said how great of a time they have working out in the fun class environment, but that it looks like Paige was miserable and didn't want to be there.  Usually, I say, well, if you don't want to be there, then don't go.  But I care. I care about Paige, and I want her to succeed.  I want her to have fun too.  What's going on? I have no clue. I have lost control.

In fact, Paige hasn't put any effort into scheduling our weekly personal training session, for the past several weeks.  At this point, I had hoped she would be making sure that she got in every training session she could fit in, and make sure that we came up a time to workout each week together.  I tried to give her options to workout on Friday, as our usual agreement, but it didn't work out.  She had other commitments that were more fun. So, skipping the workout is the first thing to go.  Has this every happened to you?  It's a sad reality, but when time is tight, usually the first thing to go is the workouts... Well, that's not my reality. Sometimes when time is tight, you have to see the workout as being as important as a doctor's appointment.  Because, essentially, it is.  You wouldn't skip a doctor's appointment if you had one.  That's how I feel about workouts, especially workouts with someone else.

At the beginning, Paige agreed to write 5 short blog posts per week about her journey.  Lately there have been none. It's been several weeks since a post.   So, if she's not living up to her end of the bargain, why am I?  Well, I'm trying to, because I care.  I just want her to care as much as I do.

16 days left in this journey, but a lifetime left in her own journey.  It's crunch time, but I can't crunch for her.  She has to find the "crunch" within her self.

Why Did Abby Consider Throwing In The Towel?

Watch this video to find out the three things that have been bothering me lately, and the reasons why I considered throwing in the towel with the entire project.

Find out three reasons why Abby's been frustrated as the trainer in Paige's journey. Learn why Abby almost threw in the towel and said forget it.

It's Still Progress, And It's Still Forward Progress.

Wow, I realize it's been an entire month since I've posted to keep you updated on Paige's journey.  I apologize!  We've had a very busy month.  Tons of challenges, of which I will be letting you know about in video format very soon.   Some of those challenges I'll talk about, will include my struggle of almost cancelling the remainder of this program all together. Stay tuned to see what has happened over the course of this month, and why I almost said "forget it."

But, in the mean time, I would like to share one huge accomplishment that Paige achieved this past week.  I had Paige meet me outside of my work one evening (in the dark), dressed to exercise.  She had no clue what we'd be doing, but I can only imagine the trepidation, as she drove downtown.  She knew she couldn't skip out on this one (reference the above paragraph).  We only had about 20 minutes, as I was in between personal training clients that evening at the gym.

As soon as I walked out the door and saw Paige who was meeting me out near the parking lot, I said: "We're going to run a mile."  I could see her brain churning like "hell no we are not!"  But, I knew she could do it, so I wouldn't let her create any excuses, at least out loud.  1 mile would be just about 4 laps around the block.  Since it was dark outside, we decided to just do that.

Paige giving me the finger after completing 1 mile.
At least it's just to signify "one" mile done!

Now, if you remember, it was back in June/July when Paige took the 5 Weeks to 5k running clinic. Technically, she should be able to run 3 miles, at this point.  That would be if she stuck to the training schedule.  She even started the schedule over at least one more time from the beginning, but I don't think she made it past the first week of runs.  Paige can probably correct me on that if I'm wrong.

So, it's been a lesson to me, on patience.  Not everyone will accomplish the tasks I set out for them, on the timeline I set out for them.  So, I cannot be mad at Paige for avoiding the running schedule homework.  It may be 5 months to 5k, but that's still fine.  It's still progress, and it's still forward progress.

I tend to beat myself up when my clients aren't achieving the results they (or I) think they should be achieving, on a timely basis.  It frustrates me to no end, as I think, "what did I do wrong?"  Could I have done something differently? I probably could have done a million things differently, but I didn't.  So, my lesson is to remember that forward progress is still progress, no matter how fast or slow it goes.  It's so important to not stay stagnant.   And that's why I pushed Paige on this 1 mile run.  I know she felt stagnant in her running. She still doesn't like running, and that's fine with me.  After this 6 month journey, she's off the hook from running with me if she wants to. But during it, she's all mine, which she often forgets ;)  So, I knew Paige needed to not only feel, but SEE her progress, even if she's disappointed that it's not as much progress as she hoped for either.  

Running a mile is a trackable, recordable, notable accomplishment for someone who has never run that far or long ever.  In fact, Paige ran the mile in 13 minutes!  I, however, didn't tell her until we finished that she ended up running for over 15 minutes, and actually did 1.18 miles.  (We had to get back around the block, so it ended up being a bit longer than a mile).  I am hoping that now, Paige sees her progress.  I see her progress, but that means nothing, if she doesn't see it.

So, for the next month, Paige will be doing "activities" that help her to understand how far she's come, even doing the small baby steps along the way.  She needs these small accomplishments, now that she is  sort of  beginning to believe in herself.

One Proud Moment, Two Not-So-Proud Moments

One Proud Moment: 

As you all know, during this 6 month journey, it hasn't been all perfect workouts and meal plans (as I'm sure you know by reading Paige's blog!).  But one thing that I'm really happy that Paige has tried, and seems to be enjoying, is the weekly yoga class at the Mississippi Modern Homestead Center. Paige and I sometimes carpool out there to take yoga with Lindsay, a wealth of yoga, meditation, herbal goodness!  Paige had never done yoga before our journey began, and sometimes in yoga, it's about finding the right fit.  When I first took Lindsay's class, I loved it, therefore I go once per week to her class.  Now that Paige is going too, we can spread the yoga love.  I mean, if Paige can do it, anyone can do it! (haha, right Paige?)  In fact, we were on our way to yoga back in June, when Paige got that phone call from her doctor saying that she needed to go on diabetes medication asap!   Now, look where we are!

Paige & Abby in our Downward Facing Dog pose.

Not-So-Proud Moment 1:

I'll start off on the most recent one. And yes, I'll go on my soap box for a bit here, and will be complaining just a bit, out of frustration.  Here goes: So, I am offering this program to Paige, for FREE, in return for her best effort in participating.  That means, I'm giving her a free membership to my weekly Small Group Personal Training Class (SGPT), and scheduling a free individual personal training session each week.  In addition to access to my Trainer In Your Back Pocket program, and 5 Weeks to 5k clinics.   So, what happened last night when I got to my SGPT and Paige was no where to be found?  I'm the type of trainer who plans personal training sessions and classes ACCORDING TO WHO WILL BE THERE!   Paige was supposed to be there for our class that meets just once per week.  Everyone knows that they are supposed to text, call, or email me if they will not be there.  Those  who actually pay for the class do so (well, most anyways), so why not Paige? Where was she? I still don't know.   I feel a bit taken advantage of.  I don't always feel great to go workout. Sometimes it's hard getting out the door. But, you know what? I do get out the door.  I pull myself up by my bootstraps (or rather, Asics running shoes), and I put on a smile, and go workout.  Especially if others are counting on me to be there.

Not-So-Proud Moment 2: 

This happened about 2 weeks ago.  A bunch of the ladies in Columbus, MS, who also participate in my online Trainer In Your back Pocket program, were gathering together on a Tuesday night to do the October Core workout together.  I knew Paige would be there, since, well, I saw her respond on facebook that she would be there.   So, when I finished work early, and headed down to the Riverwalk to join the ladies for the core workout (they didn't know I was coming), I was a bit pissed off that Paige was not there.  Apparently she was too "mentally tired."  See that empty spot in the picture? That's where Paige was supposed to be.   Wasted opportunity.  

How the Government Shut-Down is Affecting Paige's Journey

This post is not a political post.  I'm not going to talk about my view of the government shut down.  (I can't believe it's even still going on, by the way).  But it irks me when the shut down is influencing things as unrelated to government as this healthy journey that Paige and I are on.

Yes, you heard it right.  The government shut down is affecting Paige's Transformation.

It was our weekly scheduled workout, when Paige and I meet on Fridays for our workout.  This time, I was going to show Paige my favorite park to exercise in, in Columbus, MS.  Ironically, it's only a few miles from Paige's house, and eventually, she'll be able to run there (more on the future running star to come).  So, it never would have occurred to me, that a park, in the middle of Columbus, MS, had any ties to the federal government.  Well, apparently the Lock & Dam is a federal park, and the driveway was chained off.  We figured that there'd be no park rangers there to patrol (since they're not working either), so we walked past the "park closed" sign.  Not 10 seconds later, but an old retired man and his yippy dog, from his trailer outside the park, waved us down, as if the world was ending, and told us that the park police would "get us" if we used the park  (maybe not exactly in those words, but that's what I heard).  No one was allowed inside, and apparently the park rangers (whom I've never ever seen in 2 years), have asked him to be the "park police" in their absence.

It's not that Paige and I wanted to break any rules, but I really wanted her to experience what a "lock and dam" workout would be like. Those of you who've been there with me, know all the fun stuff we can do in that park!

So, we left and headed back to Paige's house, where we did the October Trainer In Your Back Pocket Total Body Workout.  Well, first we ran 5 minutes to "warm up" then we did walking lunges up her driveway.  Then we began the workout.  The whole time, I mentioned how this workout was nothing, compared to what we were going to be doing at the park.    Needless to say, Paige was probably quite glad that the park was closed!  So, thanks government, for helping Paige out, this one time!

From the Diabetes Expert

Lauren Korshak is a clinical exercise physiologist and diabetes expert. She's spent years working in cardiac rehabilitation at the VA in Washington, DC, as well as instructing at the George Washington University, and creating her own Wellness Coaching Business. She's done numerous studies on diabetes and diabetes management, and therefore, in my mind, she's the expert. I always go to Lauren for my questions that are more of a "clinical" nature. But not only is Lauren an amazing expert in her field, she's also a great friend, and colleague from GW, where we both attended for our degrees in Exercise Science. She was even a participant in my Masters Research Thesis on Running Form and Efficiency! (She's my true "you can overcome plantar fasciitis with proper form" test subject, and she'll verify that!)

Lauren Korshak, M.S. Clinical Exercise Physiologist

Lauren in 2006 at the Marine Corps Marathon

 So, upon doing Paige's 3 month assessment and labwork results, I thought I'd ask Lauren to take a look at our blogs and give some quick thoughts and feedback. Here is what she said:

"Once someone has a Diabetes Mellitus diagnosis, they have that diagnosis because they're prone to elevated blood glucose levels. There are many different ways that type 2 diabetes can be managed - oral medications & insulin, healthy food choices, carbohydrate counting, and regular exercise. The latter must be included in ANY diabetes treatment plan.
Paige has made HUGE changes - going from an A1c of 8 to 6 is really a tremendous accomplishment. I think it's important to remember that she's technically a lifestyle controlled diabetic, and that the diet and the exercise are the forms of "medication" that she's using to control her condition. If she starts to slack off, it's the same as not taking medications as directed, resulting in blood glucose levels starting to climb and increasing the changes that she'll need to start oral medications - most likely metformin, sometimes combined with a second oral or insulin depending on blood glucose trends."

So, Paige, we're not out of the woods yet, as your diabetes WILL rear its nasty head again if you EVER go back to the way things were. No turning back now! But, hey, you knew that anyways, right?

The Half-Way Point Assessment

The results are in!  Paige and I met up last Friday morning to re-do the assessment that we began our journey with.  It included Weight, % Body Fat, BMI, Circumference Measurements, 1 Mile Walk Test, Pushup test, Wall-Sit test, Plank test, as well as questions about energy, sleep quality, and stress levels.  

Who thinks, with all the setbacks over the past two months (as noted in Paige's blog), that Paige is doing well? Who thinks she's fallen off track too much, and it will show in her assessment results?  Read on to find out!

Weight: Down 13lbs!

BMI: Went from an "obese" 31.1 to an "overweight" 28.8!

Body Fat % estimate: 34.4%

Inches: Down 9 inches in circumference all over body (includes a half inch increase in her arms! Check out those guns!)  Most notably, she's down 2 inches in her upper waist, 2 inches in her chest, 2.25 inches at her belly button line, and 1.75 inches in her hips.

1 Mile Walk Test: Estimates Aerobic Capacity, and hers went from 24.17 ml/kg/min (poor) to 27.82 ml/kg/min (fair)

Pushups: From 7 to 18!  And her form was a million times better than the first time!

Wall Sit: From 42 seconds to 54 seconds (we'll be working on more leg strength definitely!)

Plank: from 23 seconds to 1 minute 6 seconds!

Energy: from 3 to 6  (immediately after initial cleanse, this was a 7.5)

Stress Level: same (immediately after cleanse, this was lower)

Sleep Quality from 4-5 (immediately after cleanse, this was 8)

With all of the set backs, Paige has still made HUGE improvements!  You can definitely see the difference in the photos too!  I'm so proud. Now, imagine what we'd see if she was on track 100% instead of the 60%! The next three months are not going to be easy, and we have a ton more work to do, but for now, I'm really proud of the accomplishments she's made.  She's definitely much healthier than she was just 3 months ago.  Go Paige!